Readers, I've missed you. I was traveling and doing funemployment things, and my cup runneth over with odds and ends I want to share. I have enough fodder in my dedicated Notes app for three Substack posts—but this dispatch is largely focused on the case for personal archaeology. It's dedicated to the magic we experience when we release control of our expectations and make time to give and receive.
A week before flying out to New York, I pulled out a box filled with letters and postcards from friends and family I'd been meaning to organize for months. Inspired by my great-grandfather, I wanted to preserve them in a binder and finally had the time. While sorting through everything, I came across three photos I had completely forgotten about and must have hastily thrown in the box, including an adorable photo of me and my friends Ruchika and Denise, who were my closest friends in middle school. We spent hours and hours together, hanging out at the mall, passing notes in class, making prank calls, watching movies like Slacker and Interview with the Vampire, listening to Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Elastica, The Cranberries... Because they both had older, cool sisters, they had a major influence on my taste in culture, among other things.
I snapped a picture of the photo and shared it on Instagram, tagging Ruchika. Within hours, she messaged me about the photo. We quickly made plans to hang out during my New York trip, and she connected me with Denise, whom I'd fallen out of touch with decades ago. I hadn't seen Ruchika in 15 years, and just a week later, I was riding the SeaGlass Carousel with her and her daughter.
You know what else I discovered when I was looking through that box? A letter with a reference to a poem by Jack Gilbert, Failing and Flying. I love the opening line: Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew. In these unsettling times, the poem serves as a reminder that even when good things come to an end, they should be celebrated as triumphs rather than dismissed as failures.
That Satisfaction Method: Thoughts on Serendipity
I landed a job last month that I'm enthusiastic about—one that felt perfectly suited to me. The smooth and almost flow-like hiring and onboarding process, marked by a series of uncanny coincidences, got me thinking about serendipity. I like the Cambridge Dictionary's definition of the word: "the fact of finding interesting or valuable things by chance." Horace Walpole coined serendipity after he read The Three Princes of Serendip, a tale where heroes made unintentional discoveries through a combination of luck and intelligence.
Serendipity involves multiple factors, including timing, preparation, knowledge, and environment. I believe the most crucial element is having a prepared mind. This reminds me of a conversation with my host mother, Clemencia, during my time in Costa Rica. She told me about her brother Francis, who had won a car in a lottery. Francis consistently seemed luckier and more successful than her other brother, despite living in the same town with the same social connections. "Things happen to Francis because he is a positive person and believes good things will happen," Clemencia explained. The other brother would never enter a lottery because he didn't believe he could win. Clemencia shared Francis's optimism and seemed equally fortunate. Combined with her intelligence and spirit, she was a source of inspiration rather than envy in her village.
This mindset matters profoundly. When pursuing something meaningful, you must believe in the possibility and maintain positivity and resilience, almost to the point of naivety. You need to deliberately ignore or resist cynicism, doubt, and others' limiting opinions, trusting that circumstances will align favorably. There's a mysterious connectedness to the universe that we can tap into—something difficult to explain scientifically without going down complex theoretical paths I won’t attempt here.
I can’t find the source, but reclusive author Cormac McCarthy once said that doors opened for him during desperate times. Whenever he faced a financial crisis, relief would arrive through an anonymous fan's check or an unexpected grant. He even received a free toothpaste sample in the mail the week he ran out.
During an interview with Oprah, McCarthy said the subconscious mind has a profound influence on our lives. The subconscious operates continuously, and we don't often recognize that it is capable of shaping our experiences unless we remain attentive. Many people solve problems while dreaming; I've experienced this myself. My favorite example is Keith Richards channeling the opening riffs to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" while asleep.
If you're feeling stuck or discouraged about your current circumstances, consider this a reminder to examine your mindset. Step back, be gentle to yourself, remain receptive, and maintain forward momentum. The answer or desired outcome will emerge if you're paying attention, one way or another.
Summer Obsessions
The most recent Critics at Large podcast was about "summer obsessions." It highlighted listener-submitted obsessions that decorated the "languid, transitory" periods of their formative youth, and they ranged from watching Pump Up the Volume on the big screen to reading The Witches of Eastwick. Naturally, I came up with my own list.
1989: Batman
I vividly remember watching this movie with my family in a movie theater inside a chilly mall where we’d take refuge from the blistering heat while visiting my grandparents in Eagle Pass. It was sad, funny, and action-packed, and I thought it was the greatest movie of all time. My little friends and I talked about it, Back to the Future II, and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids when we swapped notes about summer blockbusters on the school bus. 1989 was a terrific year for movies!
1994: Pavement’s Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
My friends in Jakarta weren't from the U.S., and they'd occasionally ask me to bring them back goodies over the summer, like a Stone Temple Pilots or Pearl Jam t-shirt. One year, Denise asked me if I could get her a Pavement cassette because this guy she was into loved the band. I got Slanted and Enchanted for her and Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain for me. I listened to that album all summer and through my high school and college days, if I'm being honest. It changed my life, and it never got old.
1996: The American Night by Jim Morrison
If you are a fellow Millennial or Gen Xer, then you remember that The Doors had a resurgence in the '90s. Oliver Stone's movie, The Doors, came out in 1991, and so did Jim Morrison's posthumous collection of poems, The American Night. At the time, I treated this book as a guide to becoming a poet, coming to it whenever I wanted inspiration.
2001: The Subterraneans by Jack Kerouac
Who didn't have a Jack Kerouac moment in college? The beat writers will always have a soft spot in my heart. I forget the premise of this novella, but I'll never forget how I felt reading about Kerouac's love interest, Mardou Fox. She oozed coolness.
2007: The Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus
Chris and Kris will remember all of the music documentaries we watched in their apartment during this time. "Documentaries are books for people who don't read," Kris once said. We made mental fashion notes and did our best to dress the part at The Beauty Bar. I specifically remember how Kris and I made fun of Marianne Faithfull acting like a diva at the end of The Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus. "Gaaaawwd, stop acting like you’re a big deal," I said, rolling my eyes. But these days, I kinda love her more than the dudes.
2010: Arcade Fire’s The Suburbs
I purchased this album as I was easing my way back into life in the U.S. after living in Costa Rica for two years. It reminds me of my time in Oregon that summer, and I love that each song bleeds into the next seamlessly.
2013: The Grateful Dead’s Box of Rain
I listened to this song on repeat the summer I moved from Chicago to Austin. I think it’s because I had heard it on an episode of Freaks and Geeks when Lindsay becomes a deadhead. Listening to the song makes me think of packing, running in the Texas heat, and drinking margaritas late into the night with Veronica in East Austin. There’s something hopeful and invigorating about this earworm.
Honorable mentions: Clueless, The Sun Also Rises, Sassy, Beavis and Butt-Head, Kids, The Ren & Stimpy Show, Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, Vans Warped Tour, and The Brothers Karamazov.
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Things I Did While I Was Funemployed
Visited Georgia O’Keeffe’s incredible home in Abiquiu while visiting Lauren and Zack in Albuquerque
Saw a dapper Crispin Glover taking in the renovated Frick Collection
Watched the frenetic Sarah Snook play 40 characters in The Picture of Dorian Gray with Jeff, followed by an epic Italian dinner at Lil’ Frankies
Had the best sleep in months at Amy and Luke’s place in Bothell, Washington
Went vegan, coffee, sugar, and alcohol free for two weeks
Ate delicious raw oysters Brittany shucked and served on her veranda
Eavesdropped on an interview with the director of Pee-wee as Himself, which is fantastic
Cried while watching Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds and the Violent Femmes perform, respectively
Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Finally, there’s a playlist that’s loosely inspired by Joan Didion’s packing list.
